Giving Away the Family Pet

By Lisa Belkin
July 12, 2010 3:32 pm
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Families have pets for many reasons, but near the top of most lists is "for the children." That was our reason. My younger son started lobbying for a dog when he was 3, and soon was carrying dog treats in his pockets to feed the neighborhood pets, and keeping a photo album of snapshots of himself with local Labradors and goldens and beagles and poodles.

The responsibility would be good for the boys, we reasoned. It has been. But even better has been the unconditional love. Yes, dogs are man's best friend. Their relationship to children goes even deeper.

Our Wheaten, Riley, celebrated his 10th birthday last week, and he has been having a harder time jumping on and off the bed. Watching him tire, I am keenly aware that the flip side of unconditional love is the virtual guarantee of loss.

Sometimes that comes sooner, and from different directions, than veterinary actuarial charts would suggest, of course. A few days after Riley's birthday, I got an e-mail message from a reader whose family is in love with their new kitten — and devastated at the allergist's decree that the kitten has to leave. She asked me for advice on how to help her 12-year-old daughter and 4-year-old son handle the news. I told her I would ask all of you.

(And yes, that is the kitten, Fenway, pictured above.)

She writes:

For years we've wanted a pet but never felt we were ready. Both my husband and I work full time and live in a city far away from our families. While we loved the idea of having a puppy, we couldn't commit. No one would be home to house-train it. It would be lonely for a good 8 to 9 hours — until the kids got home from school. We also thought that hiring a dog walker each day would get really expensive really fast. So we thought of getting a kitten. My husband was not a fan of kittens. We had to lobby hard to get him to agree to one. I researched different breeds and discovered Ragdolls. Known for their affectionate and sweet dispositions, Ragdolls are perfect for households with kids.

This is Fenway. He was our birthday present to our daughter, N. He was born on April 13, and we waited until he was 12 weeks old to take him home. We picked him up on Saturday, July 3.  He is our little ninja kitty. He bolts up and down our hallway, trying to get into the bedroom when the door is open (he is allowed to roam everywhere but the bedrooms).  He is like a little puppy, he follows us around everywhere and we constantly find ourselves tripping over him. He is our little 3.5-lb. Ragdoll kitten who will grow up to 20 lbs. He will be longhaired, and half his body will turn gray while the rest will remain white. He is a beautiful blue lynx bi-color. His favorite toy is a Safeway paper bag.  Not the expensive toys and wands and laser lights we got him, just a bag.  He greets us at the door when we get home from work and waits outside our bedroom doors every morning. After only one week with him, he is family.

Today we found out from our allergist that the kids are highly allergic to cats. We had them tested last year, and they tested negative, which is why we chose to go ahead and get Fenway. Today they tested positive. The doctor says that while he can give them allergy shots and medication, the best thing is to return the kitty to the breeder.  That we don't want their allergies to get so bad they might give way to asthma.

The breeder will take him back and give us part of our money back. We've spent more than $500 on toys, scratching posts, food, litter boxes, etc. for Fenway. We were so prepared to spoil him!  My husband would wake up at midnight or 3 a.m. to sit outside with him and keep him company because he cries outside our bedroom door when he is lonely.  He was won over. J., our 4-year-old, carries him around and speaks to him in a supergentle voice that I never knew he had.  N., my 12-year-old, has been such a responsible mommy, waking up early to feed him his wet food, add more water to his bowl, change his litter box, brush him, wipe him down with baby wipes, etc. He uses his litterbox and has never had an accident. He has not scratched a single piece of furniture.  He is a good little boy.

We are so heartbroken.  N. was inconsolable at the doctor's office, and I can't seem to stop crying here at work. We will be giving him back this weekend. I hope he finds another family to love him. Do you think he will look for my kids once he moves back to the breeder?

How do I teach my kids to let him go? I wanted to know if you have any tips on how to make returning him any easier. I myself am crying as I type this. I never thought we would get attached to a kitty so quickly. My daughter was bawling, saying: "I can't do this!! Mom! I can't do this!" It was heartwrenching at the doctor's office.

I don't think we plan on ever getting another pet again. It is too hard.

Anything you can share would be helpful.

UPDATE: In the comments, a number of you asked if the children had shown actual allergy symptoms or if the mother was acting merely on lab results. I asked and she answered:

Yes, both my kids started showing allergic reactions and I started wheezing and coughing myself.

My son's eyes and face puffed up as soon as we got into the car with the kitty (from the breeder's home). We had to pull over and give him Benadryl within 10 minutes of leaving the breeder's. He is highly allergic to nuts so we are very much aware of allergic reactions. We carry an epipen everywhere and visit the kids' allergist regularly.

My daughter started sneezing and rubbing her eyes. I thought maybe it was a coincidence, the time of the month when the pollen count was high maybe (although we live in SF and the pollen count last week was not bad), I didn't attribute it to the cat since we had the kids go in for a skin test last year and specifically requested cat and dog allergen and they tested negative.

After 3 days of all these symptoms, I called the allergist and requested that he see the kids. I explained what was going on (including the addition of Fenway to our family) and he said he'd see us in two days and that he would run another skin test. When we walked into his office, he noticed I was wheezing and coughing and asked if I wanted to be tested as well, that he would take me on as a new patient since he's known our family for several years now. I agreed.

All three of us tested allergic to cats. I didn't understand. My kids tested negative last year!! But he said people develop allergies.

I thought he might be an alarmist and I did not want to give up so easily so I called my kids' pediatrician. She got a copy of the allergist's report and skin test results and said the same thing. It would be best for the kitty to go. It would be a long and difficult road to go down the path of allergy shots. The kids will need to take them every 2 weeks at first, then every month, and it goes on for 3 to 5 years. I don't think I could subject my kids to shots that often.